It

really coming; perhaps it was George who was the real killer from the white wastes. Finally Bill had fled from that cold, invisible brother and into his room, where he lay face down on his bed and cried into his pillow.
George’s room was just as it had been on the day he died. Zack had put a bunch of George’s toys into a canon one day about two weeks after he was buried, meaning them for the Goodwill or the Salvation Army or someplace like that, Bill supposed. Sharon Denbrough had spotted him coming out with the box in his arms and her hands had flown to her head like startled white birds and plunged themselves deep into her hair where they locked themselves into pulling fists. Bill had seen this and had fallen against the wall, the strength suddenly running out of his legs. His mother looked as mad as Elsa Lanchester in The Bride ofFrankenstein.
‘Don’t you DARE take his things!’ she had screeched.
Zack flinched and then took the box of toys back into George’s room without a word. He even put them back in exactly the same places from which he had taken them. Bill came in and saw his father kneeling by George’s bed (which his mother still changed, although only once a week now instead of twice) with his head on his hairy muscular forearms. Bill saw his father was crying, and this increased his terror. A frightening possibility suddenly occurred to him: maybe sometimes things didn’t just go wrong and then stop; maybe sometimes they just kept going wronger and wronger until everything was totally fucked up.
‘D-Duh-Dad — ‘
‘Go on, Bill,’ his father said. His voice was muffled and shaking. His back went up and down. Bill badly wanted to touch his father’s back, to see if perhaps his hand might be able to still that restless heaving. He did not quite dare. ‘Go on, buzz off.’
He left and went creeping along the upstairs hall, hearing his mother doing her own crying down in the kitchen. The sound was shrill and helpless. Bill thought, Why are they crying so far apart? and then he shoved the thought away.
9
On the first night of summer vacation Bill went into Georgie’s room. His heart was beating heavily in his chest, and his legs felt stiff and awkward with tension. He came to George’s room often, but that didn’t mean he liked it in here. The room was so full of George’s presence that it felt haunted. He came in and couldn’t help thinking that the closet door might creak open at any moment and there would be Georgie among the shirts and pants still neatly hung in there, a Georgie dressed in a rainslicker covered with red splotches and streaks, a rainslicker with one dangling yellow arm. George’s eyes would be blank and terrible, the eyes of a zombie in a horror movie. When he came out of the closet his galoshes would make squishy sounds as he walked across the room toward where Bill sat on his bed, a frozen block of terror —
If the power had gone out some evening while he sat here on George’s bed, looking at the pictures on George’s wall or the models on top of George’s dresser, he felt sure a heart attack, probably fatal, would ensue in the next ten seconds or so. But he went anyway. Warring with his terror of George –the –ghost was a mute and grasping need — a hunger — to somehow get over George’s death and find a decent way to go on. Not to forget George but somehow to find a way to make him not so fucking gruesome. He understood that his parents were not succeeding very well with that, and if he was going to do it for himself, he would have to do it by himself.
Nor was it just for himself that he came; he came for Georgie as well. He had loved George, and for brothers they had gotten along pretty well. Oh, they had their pissy moments — Bill giving George a good old Indian rope-burn, George tattling on Bill when Bill snuck downstairs after lights-out and ate the rest of the lemon-cream frosting — but mostly they got along. Bad enough that George should be dead. For him to turn George into some kind of horror-monster . . . that was even worse.
He missed the little kid, that was the truth. Missed his voice, his laughter — missed the way George’s eyes sometimes tipped confidently up to his own, sure that Bill would have whatever answers were required. And one surpassingly odd thing: there were times when he felt he loved George best in his fear, because even in his fear — his uneasy feelings that a z o m b i e –George might be lurking in the closet or under the bed — h e c o u l d r e m e m b e r l o v i n g George better in here, and George loving him. In his effort to reconcile these two emotions — his love and his terror — Bill felt that he was closest to finding where final acceptance lay.
These