It

off momentarily, thinking: But I knew him. I knew him because that wasn’t the first time I saw him. And it wasn’t the first time I saw something . . . something wrong.
He thought of the bird then, the first time he’d really a lowed himself to think of it — except in nightmares — since May. He had thought he was going crazy. It was a relief to find out he wasn’t crazy . . . but it was still a scary relief. He wet his lips.
‘Go on,’ Bev said impatiently. ‘Hurry up.’
‘Well, the thing is, I was in the parade. I — ‘
‘I saw you,’ Eddie said. ‘You were playing the saxophone.’
‘Well, it’s actually a trombone,’ Mike said. ‘I play with the Neibolt Church School Band. Anyway, I saw the clown. He was handing out balloons to kids on the three-way corner downtown. He was just like Ben and Bill said. Silver suit, orange buttons, white makeup on his face, big red smile. I don’t know if it was lipstick or make-up, but it looked like blood.’
The others were nodding, excited now, but Bill only went on looking at Mike closely. ‘O-O-Orange tufts of h-h-hair?’ he asked Mike, making them unconsciously over his own head with his fingers.
Mike nodded.
‘Seeing him like that . . . it scared me. And while I was looking at him, he turned around and waved at me, like he’d read my mind, or my feelings, or whatever you call it. And that . . . like, scared me worse. I didn’t know why then, but he scared me so bad for a couple of seconds I couldn’t play my ‘bone anymore. All the spit in my mouth dried up and I felt . . . ‘ He glanced briefly at Beverly. He remembered it all so clearly now, how the sun had suddenly seemed intolerably dazzling on the brass of his horn and the chrome of the cars, the music too loud, the sky too blue. The clown had raised one white-gloved hand (the other was full of balloon strings) and had waved slowly back and forth, his bloody grin too red and too wide, a scream turned upside-down. He remembered how the flesh of his testicles had begun to crawl, how his bowels had suddenly felt all loose and hot, as if he might suddenly drop a casual load of shit into his pants. But he couldn’t say any of that in front of Beverly. You didn’t say stuff like that in front of girls, even if they were the sort of girls you could say things like ‘bitch’ and ‘bastard’ in front of. ‘ . . . I felt scared,’ he finished, feeling that was too weak, but not knowing how to say the rest. But they were nodding as if they understood, and he felt an indescribable relief wash through him. Somehow that clown looking at him, smiling his red smile, his white-gloved hand penduluming slowly back and forth . . . that had been worse than having Henry Bowers and the rest after him. Ever so much worse.
‘Then we were past,’ Mike went on. ‘We marched up Main Street Hill. And I saw him again, handing out balloons to kids. Except a lot of them didn’t want to take them. Some of the little ones were crying. I couldn’t figure out how he could have gotten up there so fast. I thought to myself that there must be two of them, you know, both of them dressed the same way. A team. But then he turned around and waved to me again and I knew it was him. It was the same man.’
‘He’s not a man,’ Richie said, and Beverly shuddered. Bill put his arm around her for a moment and she looked at him gratefully.
‘He waved to me . . . and then he winked. Like we had a secret. Or like . . . like maybe he knew I’d recognized him.’
Bill dropped his arm from Beverly’s shoulders. ‘You reh-reh-rehrecognized him?’
‘I think so,’ Mike said. ‘I have to check something before I say it’s for sure. My father’s got some pictures . . . He collects them . . . Listen, you guys play down here a lot, don’t you?’
‘Sure,’ Ben said. ‘That’s why we’re building a clubhouse.’
Mike nodded. ‘I’ll check and see if I’m right. If I am, I can bring the pictures.’
‘O-O-Old pic-pictures?’ Bill asked.
‘Yes.’
‘W-W-What else?’ Bill asked.
Mike opened his mouth and then closed it again. He looked around at them uncertainly and then said, ‘You’d think I was crazy. Crazy or lying.’
‘D-Do y-y-you th-think we’re cruh-cruh-crazy?’
Mike shook his head.
‘You bet we’re not,’ Eddie said. ‘I got a lot wrong with me, but I’m not bughouse. I don’t think.’
‘No,’ Mike said. ‘I don’t think you’re crazy.’
‘Well, we-we won’t th-think you’re cruh-cruh . . . nuts, e-e-either,’ Bill said.
Mike looked them all over, cleared his throat, and said: ‘I saw a bird. Couple, three months ago. I saw a bird.’
Stan Uris looked at Mik e. ‘What kind of a bird?’
Speaking more reluctantly than ever Mike