It

the feeling of the circle between past and present closing with a triumphant seamlessness. He kicked the door shut clumsily with one foot and she laughed her warm breath into his mouth.
‘My heart — ‘ She said, and put his hand on her left breast. He could feel it below that firm, almost maddening softness, racing like an engine.
‘Your h-h-heart — ‘
‘My heart.’
They were on the bed, still dressed, kissing. Her hand slipped inside his shirt, then out again. She traced a finger down the row of buttons, paused at his waist . . . and then that same finger slipped lower, tracing down the stony thickness of his cock. Muscles he hadn’t been aware of jumped and fluttered in his groin. He broke the kiss and moved his body away from hers on the bed.
‘Bill?’
‘Got to stuh-stuh-stop for a m-m-minute,’ he said. ‘Or else I’m going to shoot in my p-p-pants like a k-kid.’
She laughed again, softly, and looked at him. ‘Is it that? Or are you having second thoughts?’
‘Second thoughts,’ Bill said. ‘I a-a-always have those.’
‘I don’t. I hate him,’ she said.
He looked at her, the smile fading.
‘I didn’t know it all the way to the top of my mind until tonight,’ she said. ‘Oh, I knew it — somewhere — all along, I guess. He hits and he hurts. I married him because . . . because my father always worried about me, I guess. No matter how hard I tried, he worried. And I guess I knew he’d approve of Tom. Because Tom would worry, too. He worried a lot. And as long as someone was worrying about me, I’d be safe. More than safe. Real.’ She looked at him solemnly. Her blouse had pulled out of the waistband of her slacks, revealing a white stripe of stomach. He wanted to kiss it. ‘But it wasn’t real. It was a nightmare. Being married to Tom was like going back into the nightmare. Why would a person do that, Bill? Why would a person go back into the nightmare of her own accord?’
Bill said, ‘The o-o-only reason I can f-figure is that p-people go back to f-f-find thems –s-selves.’
‘The nightmare’s here,’ Bev said. ‘The nightmare is Derry. Tom looks small compared to that. I can see him better now. I loathe myself for the years I spent with him . . . You don’t know . . . the things he made me do, and oh, I was happy enough to do them, you know, because he worried about me. I’d cry . . . but sometimes there’s too much shame. You know?’
‘Don’t,’ he said quietly, and put his hand over hers. She held it tightly. Her eyes were overbright, but the tears didn’t fall. E’ verybody g-g-goofs it. But it’s not an eh-eh-exam. You just go through it the b-b-best you can.’
«What I mean,’ she said, ‘is that I’m not cheating on Tom, or trying to use you to get my own back on him, or anything like that. For me, it would be like something . . . sane and normal and sweet. But I don’t want to hurt you, Bill. Or trick you into something you’ll be sorry for later.’
He thought about this, thought about it with a real and deep seriousness. But the odd little mnemonic — he thrusts hi s fists, and so on — had begun to circle back, breaking into his thoughts. It had been a long day. Mike’s call and the invitation to lunch at Jade of the Orient seemed a hundred years ago. So many stories since then. So many memories, like photographs from George’s album.
‘Friends don’t t-t-trick each o-other,’ he said, and leaned toward her on the bed. Their lips touched and he began to unbutton her blouse. One of her hands went to the back of his neck and held him closer while the other first unzipped her slacks and then pushed them down. For a moment his hand was on her stomach, warm; then her panties were gone in a whisper; then he nudged and she guided.
As he entered her, she arched her back gently toward the thrust of his sex and muttered, ‘Be my friend . . . I love you, Bill.’
‘I love you too,’ he said, smiling against her bare shoulder. They began slowly and he felt sweat begin to flow out of his skin as she quickened beneath him. His consciousness began to drain downward, becoming focused more and more strongly on their connection. Her pores had opened, releasing a lovely musky odor.
Beverly felt her climax coming. She moved toward it, working for it, never doubting that it would come. Her body suddenly stuttered and seemed to leap upward, not orgasming but reaching a plateau far above any she had reached with Tom or the other two lovers she had had before Tom. She became aware that this wasn’t going to be just a come; it was going to
be a tactical nuke. She became a little afraid . . . but her body picked up the rhythm again. She felt Bill’s long length stiffen against her, his whole body suddenly becoming as hard as the part of him inside herself, and at that same moment she climaxed — began to climax; pleasure so great