Misery

to check this one. He might get a surprise.
He didn’t.
The porch stairs were every bit as steep as he had feared, but even if there had been a wheelchair ramp (a possibility he never would have accepted in a spirited game of Can You?, even if a friend had suggested it), he couldn’t have used it. There were three locks on the door. The police-bar he could have coped with. The other two were Kreigs, the best locks in the whole world, according to his ex-cop friend Tom Twyford. And where were the keys? Umm… let me see. On their way to Annie’s Laughing Place, maybe? Yes-siree Bob! Give that man a cigar and a blowtorch to light it with!
He reversed down the hall, fighting panic, reminding, himself he hadn’t expected much from the front door anyway. He pivoted the chair once he was in the parlor and rolled into the kitchen. This was an old-fashioned room with bright linoleum on the floor and a pressed-tin ceiling. The refrigerator was old but quiet. There were three or four, magnets stuck to its door — not surprisingly, they all looked, like candy: a piece of bubble-gum, a Hershey Bar, a Tootsie Roll. One of the cabinet doors was open and he could see shelves neatly covered with oilcloth. There were big window over the sink and they would let in a lot of light even on cloudy days. It should have been a cheery kitchen but wasn’t. The open garbage can overflowed onto the floor and emitted the warm reek of spoiling food, but that wasn’t the only thing wrong, or the worst smell. There was another that seemed to exist mostly in his mind, but which was no less real for that. It was parfum de Wilkes; a psychic odor of obsession.
There were three doors in the room, two to the left and one straight ahead, between the refrigerator and the pantry alcove.
He went to those on the left first. One was the kitchen closet — he knew that even before he saw the coats, hats, scarves, and boots. The brief, yapping squeak of the hinges was enough to tell him. The other was the one Annie used to go out. And here was another police-bar and two more Kreigs. Roydmans, stay out. Paul, stay in.
He imagined her laughing.
“You fucking bitch!” He struck his fist against the side of the door. It hurt, and he pressed the side of his hand against his mouth. He hated the sting of tears, the momentary doubling of his vision when he blinked, but there was no way he could stop it. The panic was yammering more loudly now, asking what was he going to do, what was he going to do, for Christ’s sake, this might be his last chance — What I’m going to do first is a thorough job of checking this situation out, he told himself grimly. If you can stay cool for just awhile longer, that is. Think you can do that, chickenshit?
He wiped his eyes — crying was not going to get him out, of this — and looked out through the window which made up the top half of the door. It wasn’t really just one window but sixteen small panes. He could break the glass in each, but he would have to bust the lathes, too, and that might take hours without a saw — they looked strong. And what then? A kamikaze dive out onto the back porch? A great idea. Maybe he could break his back, and that would take his mind off his legs for awhile. And it wouldn’t take long, lying out there in the pelting rain before he died of exposure. That would take care of the whole rotten business.
No way. No fucking way. Maybe I’m going to punch out, but I swear to God I’m not going to do it until I get a chance to show my number-one fan just how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know her. And that isn’t just a promise — that’s a sacred vow.
The idea of paying Annie back did more to still his panic than any amount of self-scolding had done. A little calmer, he flicked the switch beside the locked door. It turned on an outside light, which came in handy — the last of the daylight had drained away during the time since he had left his room. Annie’s driveway was flooded, and her yard was a quagmire of mud, standing water, and gobbets of melting snow. By positioning his wheelchair all the way to the left of the door, he could for the first time see the road which ran by her place, although it was really no big deal — two-lane blacktop between decaying snowbanks, shiny as sealskin and awash with rainwater and snowmelt.
Maybe she locked the doors to keep the Roydmans out, but she sure didn’t need to lock them to keep me in. If I got out there in this wheelchair, I’d be bogged to the hubcaps in five seconds. You’re not going anywhere, Paul. Not tonight and probably not for weeks — they’ll be a month into the baseball season before the ground firms up enough for you to get out to the road in this wheelchair. Unless you want to crash through a window and crawl.
No — he didn’t want to do that. It was too easy to imagine how his shattered bones would feel after ten or fifteen minutes of