Misery

wriggling through cold puddles and melting snow, like a dying tadpole. And even supposing he could make it out to the road, what were his chances of flagging down a car? The only two he’d ever heard out here, other than Old Bessie, had been El Rancho Grande’s Bel Air and the car which had scared the life out of him passing the house on the first occasion he had escaped his “guest-room”.
He turned off the outside light and rolled across to the, other door, the one between the refrigerator and the pantry. There were three locks on this one as well, and it didn’t even open on the outside — or at least not directly. There was another light-switch beside this door. Paul flicked it and saw a neat shed addition which ran the length of the house on its windward side. At one end was a woodpile and a chopping block with an axe buried in it. At the other was a work-table and tools hung on pegs. To its left there was another door. The bulb out there wasn’t terribly bright, but it was bright enough for him to see another police bolt and another two Kreig locks on that door as well.
The Roydmans… everybody… all out to get me…
“I don’t know about them,” he said to the empty kitchen, “but I sure am.” Giving up on the doors, he rolled into the pantry. Before he looked at the food stored on the shelves, he looked at the matches. There were two cartons of paper book matches and at least two dozen boxes of Diamond Blue Tips, neatly stacked up.
For a moment he considered simply lighting the place on fire, began to reject the idea as the most ridiculous yet, and then saw something which made him reconsider it briefly. In here was yet another door, and this one had no locks on it.
He opened it and saw a set of steep, rickety stairs pitching and yawing their way into the cellar. An almost vicious smell of dampness and rotting vegetables rose from the dark. He heard low squeaking sounds and thought of her saying: They come into the cellar when it rains. I put down traps. I have to.
He slammed the door shut in a hurry. A drop of sweat trickled down from his temple and ran, stinging, into the corner of his right eye. He knuckled it away. Knowing that door must lead to the cellar and seeing that there were no locks on it had made the idea of torching the place seem momentarily more rational — he could maybe shelter there. But the stairs were too steep, the possibility of being burned alive if Annie’s flaming house collapsed into the cellar-hole before the Sidewinder fire engines could get here was too real, and the rats down there… the sound of the rats was somehow the worst.
How its heart beats! How it struggles to get away! As we do, Paul. As we do.
“Africa,” Paul said, and didn’t hear himself say it. He began to look at the cans and bags of food in the pantry, trying to assess what he could take with the least chance of raising her suspicions next time she came out here. Part of him understood exactly what this assessment meant: he had given up the idea of escape.
Only for the time being, his troubled mind protested.
No, a deeper voice responded implacably. Forever, Paul. Forever.
“I will never give up,” he whispered. “Do you hear me? Never.” Oh no? the voice of the cynic whispered sardonically. Well… we’ll see, won’t we?
Yes. They would see.

Annie’s larder looked more like a survivalist’s bomb shelter than a pantry. He guessed that some of this hoarding was a simple nod to the realities of her situation: she was a woman alone living in the high country, where a person might reasonably expect to spend a certain period — maybe only a day, but sometimes as long as a week or even two — cut off from the rest of the world. Probably even those cockadoodie Roydmans had a pantry that would make a homeowner from another part of the country raise his or her brows… but he doubted if the cockadoodie Roydmans or anyone else up here had anything which came close to what he was now looking at. This was no pantry; this was a goddam supermarket. He supposed there was a certain symbolism in Annie’s pantry — the ranks of goods had something to say about the murkiness of the borderline between the Sovereign State of Reality and the People’s Republic of Paranoia. In his current situation, however, such niceties hardly seemed worth examination. Fuck the symbolism. Go for the food.
Yes, but be careful. It wasn’t just a matter of what she might miss. He must take no more than he could reasonably hope to hide if she came back suddenly… and how else did he think she would come? Her phone was dead and he somehow doubted if Annie would send him a telegram or Flowers by Wire. But in the end what she might miss in here or find in his room hardly mattered. After all, he